I feel like I’ve been running a marathon. I’m exhausted, my body’s tired and achy. But I’m also proud of my accomplishment. I can see myself running, legs pounding the ground, chest puffing for air. I can see the finish line. It’s a beautiful sight. I crash through it, breaking the ribbon strung across. There’s an explosion of pinks, purples, and sparkles. My twins just turned one.
I’m not going to lie. The first year with twins is rough, like bang-your-head-against-a-cement-wall rough. But we all made it through alive!
The first few months were a blur. When I try to think back on things from this time last year, I really cannot remember much. I remember sheer exhaustion and severe sleep deprivation. I remember the stress of adding not one, but two new little additions to our family. Worrying if my son wouldn’t feel loved anymore. How would I have enough time for everyone?
Then there was the actual part of taking care of two newborns. All the bottles, the guilt over not being able to breastfeed, the midnight wakings, their crying, my crying, hormones trying to balance themselves.
There were times when I felt like I was drowning. I was drowning in babies, and I knew I’d never sleep again. Showering time was limited, so Hubs just had to get used to this new aroma. More than once I found myself thinking, “Twins?! What have we gotten ourselves into?”
Did I just make it sound awful? It’s really not. Because whatever difficulties we faced paled in comparison to the joys of this last year. This has been both the hardest, yet happiest year of my life.
I was lucky enough to have a healthy twin pregnancy. I felt two little babies moving around and kicking each other inside me. I had a relatively drama-free delivery (if you don’t count my water breaking at 2am and some complications from the epidural).
I was lucky enough to bring home two brand new babies only days after their birth to the world’s best big brother. All my worries about him not getting enough love and attention were out the window the minute I saw him with his sisters. (And trust me, if he feels like he’s not getting enough attention, he lets me know.)
I was lucky enough to have two babies fall asleep on me at the same time. I cuddled them both, and held them so close to me. I had never held babies so tiny. I breathed in that wonderful smell of new baby.
I have been lucky enough to watch them grow. The girls have quadrupled in size. I’ve watched them learn to roll over, and to crawl. I’ve watched them try to take their first steps (not quite successful on that, but very, very soon).
I have been lucky enough to hear their first giggles. I died of cuteness overload the first time I heard them each say “momma.” And again and again when they learned “dada” and “bubba.”
I have been lucky enough to watch them learn to pick up toys, and steal them from each other. I’ve also watched them share with each other. I’ve watched them climb over each other and wrestle. I’ve heard them having so much fun together that they can’t help but give out that wonderful belly laugh.
They say the first year of a child’s life is the toughest. I believe it. Throughout the year it has been so difficult balancing everything: taking care of the twins, their older brother, and Hubs (I’m avoiding mentioning the forgotten housework and the never-ending laundry). Getting through this first year feels like the greatest accomplishment. I want to shout from the rooftops “I survived the first year with twins! I SURVIVED! We made it!” Everyone’s alive, everyone’s healthy. Everyone is happy. That’s success, right?
So yes, this year has been rough. But every second of it has been worth it. Every minute of sleep I lost is forgotten when I look into their beautiful eyes. All my stresses vanish when I see them smile and laugh. I melt every time they give me big, slobbery baby kisses.
I’ve just crashed through the finish line. I jump up and pump my fists in the air like a true victor. The glitter confetti is floating in the air and sprinkling down around me. I know it’s not the end of the race, though. We’re just getting started. The best is yet to come, and I couldn’t be more excited.
Happy birthday, baby girls! Momma loves you!